How Long Does Grief Last ???????
Everyone who has ever grieved wonders: How long will this grief persist? How long must I feel sorrow and pain? We hate the complex mix of feelings that grief encounters. We may feel like victims of our feelings, wishing they would just disappear.
1. How long does grief take?
A. The real answer is that grief takes as long as it takes--a week, a month, a year or more depending on who we have lost and how this death impacts us. Grief is a process we must move through, not over or around. Even when we can temporarily deny our pain, it still exists. It will eventually erupt in some way, maybe at an inappropriate moment or during another upset or illness. It is always better to allow strong feelings, to feel them, and to move through them in order to move beyond them.
2. What does getting over it mean ?
A. It means not being forever in pain over our loss. It means we don't forget or stop loving the person we lost. We do not always have to grieve: we can remember without pain. Too often we hear we never stop grieving, never get over our loss. When we have no tolls for overcoming sorrow, and when the world tries to shut us up, grief does go on longer. The belief that we can recover, we do. It is important to trust that grief is not forever.
Example: I believed I would grieve forever when my brother died. I kept sorrow alive for fourteen years by believing it was endless. I didn't know how to stop my grief. Grief that persists for years can keep us living in the past, keep us from loving the people who are still alive. I was stunted by my grief, afraid to trust, afraid to love, afraid to commit, afraid to have children I might lose. It wasn't until a good therapist helped me to express fully how much this loss hurt that I was able to stop grieving.
No matter how much we may hurt today, we must remember that grief is temporary. Mourning does not have to last forever. We can finish crying and expressing all our many feelings around this loss.
We can find in ourselves the courage to recover and heal. We can begin to live fully and love again.